friggin patriots day...

Sadly I still live and work in New Hampshire. After living and going to school in Mass, I really loved having Patriots Day off. At my first apartment next to Fenway Park (literally, and yes I am bragging), I remember it being a madhouse around our place. I believe it was my second year there when I remember having my car parked on Boylston Street about two minutes from my apartment. At that time I lived with my buddy Derek (who some of you may know). His sister and brother had stayed the weekend and were hanging out with us. It was the Saturday before the marathon and I had to go put quarters in the meter. I was walking down Boylston to go get some quarters at the Star Market at the corner of Brookline and Boylston (street name dropping). 

As I am walking down the street, a lot of people are headed my way to go to the Sox game that afternoon. It had to be around noon so the place was packed. An  older couple caught my eye. the woman was tall and blonde and a bit striking. I noticed her first and then her significant other. The man was wearing aviators (the best sunglasses), a track suit and had a very bushy mustache. I thought he looked a bit out of place and as they passed me, I snuck a peak behind the glasses. I took a double take and thought "There's no way". I walked a few more feet and stopped. I turned around again and shook my head and thought "It couldn't have been". I continued to the store, got my quarters, filled the meter and went back to the apartment.

I enter the apartment and everyone was just chillin. I went in to Derek's room and said "Guess who I just saw on the way to the Sox game?" He asked who and I replied "Will Ferrell". He dint believe me and neither did anyone else. I told them that I knew it sounded nuts but that I swear to god it was him. Then the question of why he would be in Boston came up and what not and the more I thought about it, the more I figured it wasn't him.

The weekend passes and Patriots Day comes. It's Monday morning and we have the opening coverage of the marathon on. I'm sitting in my room when I hear Derek call for me. I walk into the front of the apartment where the TV is and there on WBZ, being interviewed was none other than Will Ferrell. He was running the marathon. He had been there the whole weekend in Boston. I was right. I had seen him with his mustache that he had grown for this new movie "Anchorman". I was pissed. I had passed by one of my comedic heros and didn't even get to yell "We're going streaking" like a douchey frat boy. 

To this day, thats why I curse Patriots Day weekend. That and the fact that I don't get this Monday off so I can't get drunk and yell at runners on Comm Ave. Screw you VanReenen.

It smells like spring...or just laundry sheets...mmm...

I love spring. I really do. Spring and fall are the best season cause they are the most mild of the seasons. They stay away from the extremes of hot and cold. With spring comes great weather and a long list of things to do with the lovely weather.

First off, baseball starts up. Now the real excitement doesn't come until September when the playoffs are on the line and all, but its great to follow along. Some weeks you lose track or get busy but when you come back, you haven't missed much. Nothing beats going to a major league baseball game in spring. Us in New England are lucky because we have one of the oldest, most famous ball park in the country. This also make us unlucky cause it is old and beat up while being ridiculously expensive. My alternative? Take a trip to Philadelphia. The Phillies have a great park thats just a few years old. Its clean and spacious without being too big. Tickets were usually really cheap although after last year I am sure prices have gone up. Its a good weekend away to see a game. Worth the money and if you really have some cash to spend, try to get tickets to see the Sox play their in July.

Now with baseball comes me wanting to play. Sadly, I have never bothered to join an old mans league or anything but I've found a way to fulfill my need to play. Wiffle Ball. Yes Wiffle Ball. A 26 year old in love with Wiffe Ball.  My brother-in-law and I started playing a few years back and then just kind of stopped one summer. Then last spring we decided to start it up again and not just here and there for fun. Not just tossing the ball around but really playing.

We have a field in my back yard marked out. There is a home plate and double and homerun markers. We have a pitchers mound and pitching rubber. We have backstops and a perfectly measured strike zone. We have a bat holder that can hold up to four bats. We just had two dozen fresh new balls delivered. We have official team names. I am the Londonderry Blue Moons and he is the Hudson Honey Brewers (both named for favorite beers of ours). 

We now have a second field at my brother-in-laws new house. This way we each have a home field. It is a rule that you have to drink at least one of your beers (Blue Moon for me or Honey Brown for him) per game. We don't look to get drunk but we feel we owe it to our names. Uniforms are in the process of being made.  Many of you may think Im crazy but hey, everyone needs a hobby. This is one of mine.

Anyway, I'm glad spring is here so that we can begin to play. Look for updates on here and hopefully even some video posts from yours truly about it. For now, I will leave you with my teams logo.

Chocolate bunnies filled with jelly beans...

Happy Easter to those of you who celebrate. Enjoy a large feast with friends and family. Fill yourself up with candy and goodies. Remember that soon, warm weather will come and it wont seem as though Easter and Christmas are celebrated during the same season.

I am a slacker...

When I started doing this blog I promised myself I would update it regularly. I mean how can one get a solid fan base if they don't constantly give people a good product, right? I am going to do my best to update this more. I have a few ideas for blogs so I will get them up ASAP. As for this one, just a quickie. There have been a few things that I recently saw that I wanted to make mention of cause it annoyed the shit out of me.

BLUETOOTH HEADSETS

Now these have been around for sometime, I know. They aren't a bad thing when driving. Its perfect for commuters who drive a lot and still use the phone. Know when they aren't good? When you wear them out of your car. Anywhere. Anywhere out of the damn car. Store? Getting gas? Shopping? TAKE IT OFF!!!! I hate people coming into work and walking up to me with them on. They try to start a conversation with me while continuing the one they have going on their phone. Hey asshole, hang up or don't talk to me. Many of you know that due to my lazy nature, I am still working in the food business as opposed to taking my college degree and making a life for myself. Now just cause I work in food doesn't mean you should disrespect me. You need to eat right? Im needed. Do I walk in to your work place and talk on my phone while trying to do business with you? Probably not. And I guess this isn't just a bluetooth rant because people come in on the phone too. I just think the bluetooths make you look retarded. Its like you are trying to look cool but look like a douche instead. Its like wearing a hat that says "I'm a douche".  Anyway, get off the phone when talking to people in person. Its called manners dipshits.

UGGS

I know I am not a female. You can even say I don't know much about "style". These are both truths. But ya know what? I know something ugly when I see it. And uggs? Uggly for sure. Really. I don't understand them. They keep your feet warm. Awesome. Then people where them in snow and rain to stay warm and oh, they get dirty and look like shit. They look disgusting with salt marks and what not on them. I especially loooove seeing women wear them with like tights on so they look even bigger. Worried about getting cold? Dont wear tights dumb ass.  And yeah yeah, they are in style. Are they really? Cause I think if you asked, the majority of normal people would say they are ugly with a small minority of snobby uptight debutantes and those who want to be like them saying they are trendy. Bite trendy and bite me. 

Uggly.

TURTLENECKS

Okay. Turtlenecks are acceptable on females most of the time. Usually they look okay on younger women and are acceptable on older females cause that usually means they are retired hippies.  Turtlenecks on guys? Schmucks. I feel like every time I see a guy in a turtleneck, I think of the dick in Good Will Hunting who gets the verbal beat down from Matt Damon in the Harvard bar. They look artsy and toolish. They like to read poetry and do yoga and sit around talking about fighting the "man". All these things are fine, believe me, I have nothing against artsyness, but chances are this turtleneck douche is doing it to try and get laid or just fit in. He isn't doing it because he likes those things. I wish mens turtlenecks had a string in the neck like sweatpants. That way, I could easily just sneak up on a guy and pull it nice and tight. Choke him out. Nice and simple.

LONG HAIR ON GUYS

Heres another one that deals with guys. Long hair on guys. Im not talking like shaggy, over the eyes a little kind of thing. Shaggy isnt bad. What I hate is the guys who have it to their shoulders or longer. Now when I was younger, in middle school, I tried to grow my hair long. All my friends did. It was a grunge thing. We were trying to be cool. That time passed and we all eventually got haircuts.  Now a days, grunge is gone really. There is no "cool" reason to have long hair. No more hippies, no more grunge. Why would you want hair that you have to tie up? I have enough problems with making my short hair look acceptable, I cant imagine doing it with long hair. Ponytails? What is this, 1991? No rebellion against 'Nam anymore. No more hairbands. No more of a need to look like Kurt Cobain. Just cut your hair.

Only thing worse than a guy with long hair is a guy with long hair in a turtleneck.  Ick.

A few quick things....

I decided to share a few nuggets of information about myself that I've recently been thinking about. Just a few ideas and feelings I have that I figured I'd like to share with you. 

I don't trust anyone who has never had a drink before. That means you Joe Biden.

I also don't trust anyone who doesn't curse. They don't have to have a sailors mouth like myself, but every once in a while a person should feel that their current situation constitutes a good "shit" or "fuck".

I am beginning to get mad at myself for breaking certain Facebooks rules that I set forth for myself. The biggest one being that I would not accept nor add a person on Facebook unless I knew for sure that I would say hi to them if passing them or bumping into them. If I don't think we liked each other enough 10 years ago to be friends, why the hell would I add you now. I bet their are at least 50 people who are my "friends" on Facebook that wouldn't even say hello if they saw me out. They'd just do the eye contact thing and wait to see if I say hi first, just like we all do when we aren't sure if we really want to talk to someone.

I recently began watching "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia".  A friend of mine gave me Seasons 1 and 2 and I watched it all this weekend. It is up there with "30 Rock" and "The Office". And I have to agree with my friend who said when she watches it, it just makes her feel like getting drunk all day.

Speaking of getting drunk all day, I'm a big fan of Blue Moon beer and this weekend when my local packie ran out of it, I bought some Full Moon, which is a seasonal Blue Moon beer, and I must admit that it was rather delicious. Definitely try it if you like Blue Moon.

I like using the word "protocol" a lot lately. I have no need to ever use the word, but I find it fun trying to put it into regular conversation. This is a game you should try. Pick an odd word and see how many times you can use it in regular conversation. Here, I'll help you. The word is peripatetic. Have fun.

Oh and check out my boy Mikes new blog. It's a good time.

http://mike-idowhatiwant.blogspot.com

25 random things

So I've seen this whole thing on facebook where people write 25 random things about themselves so I thought I might as well do it on here. So without much ado, here are 25 random things about me.

1. My middle name is Martin, after my dad.

2. I fracture my leg when I was two when trying out an acrobatic act I was working on failed as the garbage can fell over.

3. I was born in Minnesota but moved to NH when I was 1 and have never been back.

4. I'm a registered independent

5. I'm a politics junkie.

6. I'm also a civil war junkie. Been to Gettysburg over a dozen times

7. I got caught stealing baseball cards from a convenience store when I was in 5th grade. I did not act alone.

8. I'm actually related to Stonewall Jackson distantly. I even have proof.

9. I'm a sucked for good romantic movies. Especially '80's ones. Say Anything is one of my favorite movies.

10. The only movie I've ever cried at was My Girl when Veda goes to the funeral and yells about how he can't see without his glasses.

11. A dream come true would be to write or be on SNL.

12. My first car was given to me by a priest.

13. I haven't been to church, other than weddings and funerals, in over 3 years (nothing to do with the car).

14. I met Bill and Hillary Clinton and Peter Jennings when I was 10 at the Mall of New Hampshire.

15. I introduced George Bush at my high school when he was running for president.

16. I voted for Ralph Nadar once.

17. I once worked at a driving range driving the truck around shagging balls.

18. I once played the lead in a production of "Death of a Salesman".

19. While making a sci fi video for school, I accidentally made such a large explosion I apparently broke a well pipe 4 feet underground.

20. I once had backstage passes to a concert and got to meet Beck, Ben Folds and Les Claypool.

21. One of my cars got totaled when a cop rear ended me.

22. I'm told I do a pretty good Christopher Walken impression.

23. I've been to six weddings to this point in my life. I've been in the wedding party for all six. Always a grooms man, never a groom.

24. I love getting dressed up and one day hope I lead a life that requires me to own my own tuxedo.

25. I can tie a cherry stem not in one, but two knots with my tongue. And yes ladies, I'm single.

You take the kids, I'll take the house...

So like many of you, I day dream all the time. A thought will pop into my head and I'll be off in my imagination for a few minutes. The other day was no exception so I thought I'd share.

I was flipping through an entertainment magazine (they do still print these) and stumbled upon a picture of a certain attractive actress. She will remain nameless so that after this post, I can be made fun of but with detail. Anyway, its an actress that I find very attractive. That's where the day dreaming starts.
I begin to think how wonderful my life would be to date her. Think about it. A beautiful celebrity. We'd meet in some random way while walking down the street (even though I live 3,000 miles away) and for some reason she'd be taken aback by this pasty white ginger. She'd say hi, I'd say hi and wekd connect. Perhaps we'd get a drink and things would take off. I'd go to a big premiere with her and maybe work on a film together. Eventually wed have a huge wedding covered by Perez Hilton and then have wonderfully cute kids who are cursed by having red hair. We'd grow old and become this generations It couple, staying together for years. My what a nice day dream.

I then look back at the magazine and read the caption about her and her boyfriend. Boyfriend? How could this be? How could she do this to me? My mind begins wandering again.

What if she marrys this douche? What if he interfers with our chance meeting? Everything I was so happy about is gone. Then I realize, its Holllywood. These things never last. Its the land of divorce. So then I think it can still work. She'll have a few years with this assclown and then get a divorce. Its perfect! I swoop in and get her on the rebound. I show my sensitive side and boom. We're together and all the happy thoughts come back. Money, celebrity, big house, kids.

But there's the problem. Divorce is so abundant there. What if we get divorced? She makes all the money. I'm just a bum who married up. What if she paints me in the media to be some dick who treated her bad? Who gets the kids? I can't be single that late in life. I have nothing to offer a woman.

Then I stop and realize how pathetic I am. I'm now depressed after thinking about my impending divorce to a celebrity that will leave me with no life. That's right, I lack enough self esteem to even have a good day dream. I suck.